Infidelity

What Counts as Being Unfaithful?

Cheating looks different for every couple. For some, it means having sex with someone else. Others might feel that sharing close emotional feelings outside the marriage already crosses a line.

Even exchanging private, romantic messages online can hurt and count as an affair for many people. The key point is that each partner needs to agree on what they consider being unfaithful. Types of infidelity include:

Type	Description
Sexual Infidelity	Having physical, sexual contact outside the agreed boundaries of the marriage.
Emotional Affair	Developing a deep emotional bond or intimacy with someone outside the relationship.
Online Infidelity	Flirting, sexting, or maintaining secretive online relationships.
Financial Cheating	Hiding money, secret spending, or financial deceit that breaks trust in a marriage.

Open conversations about what counts as cheating help prevent confusion, jealousy, and secrets. Couples can also talk about boundaries for social media, friends, and coworkers.

Common Reasons Why Affairs Take Place

Affairs happen in all kinds of relationships—even ones that seem happy and secure. Many different factors can play a role. Some of the most common reasons include:

• Lack of affection or loss of emotional connection.
• Low communication about needs, intimacy, and dissatisfaction.
• Problems with self-esteem or confidence.
• Major life changes, such as a new baby or a child moving out.
• Physical or mental health struggles.
• Addiction to sex, alcohol, or drugs.
• Unresolved arguments or a pattern of avoiding conflict.

Some people cheat because they feel neglected, lonely, or less important to their partner. Others may not see themselves as unfaithful if the affair is only emotional or online—especially in the age of social media and texting.

Sometimes, relationship dissatisfaction or a loss of trust leads to cheating. Stress from work or long absences can also distance couples emotionally and physically, making affairs more likely. Being unfaithful is a choice. It does not always come from problems with the marriage alone. People are responsible for their own actions.

Finding Out Someone Has Cheated

Discovering an affair shocks and deeply upsets most people. The betrayed partner may feel overwhelmed with sadness, anger, or confusion. It’s common for them to have trouble sleeping, eating, or figuring out what to do next. At the same time, the person who cheated might feel guilty, afraid, or uncertain about how to fix the damage. Some common reactions and steps after learning about cheating include:

1. Take time before making decisions. Emotional pain and trust issues can make thinking clearly difficult. Acting quickly can lead to choices that may not be right later.
2. Allow space for each person. Both partners may need time alone. Giving space can prevent unhealthy arguments and actions.
3. Reach out for support. Talking with trusted friends, family, or a counselor can help. It’s good to avoid people who judge, blame, or encourage revenge cheating.
4. Avoid obsessing over details. Asking for too much information right away might harm the healing process. Sometimes, talking with a professional first is the better choice.

Partners may notice signs of infidelity before the truth comes out. These can include secretive behavior, changes in emotional intimacy, hiding phone messages, or sudden spending habits. Jealousy or suspicion alone doesn’t always mean cheating has happened, but it may signal problems that should be addressed.

Steps to Repair a Marriage After Cheating

Recovering from an affair takes time, patience, and effort from both people. If both partners want to work through the pain, their relationship can become strong again—sometimes even deeper or more honest than before. Important steps to repair trust and move forward:

• Pause before making big choices. Right after the affair comes to light, avoid quick decisions about divorce or separation. Both people need time to process what happened.
• Take personal responsibility. The person who was unfaithful needs to own up to their actions. This means being honest, ending the affair fully, and cutting off unnecessary contact with the other person.
• Seek couples therapy. Talking with a counselor can help couples understand why the affair happened, address old problems, and learn better ways to communicate.
• Get outside help if needed. Friends, family, or spiritual leaders can sometimes help, but only if they are able to listen without judging or blaming. Reading books and articles on surviving infidelity might help, but not all materials are useful.
• Make a clear plan to earn back trust. Together, set goals for what future honesty and accountability will look like. The person who cheated should be open to questions, share their feelings, and ask for forgiveness. The betrayed partner can work on forgiveness when they feel ready.
• Gradually rebuild emotional and sexual intimacy. Taking small steps, such as talking openly or spending time together, can help restore closeness. Couples should remember that healing is usually a process—sometimes with setbacks—but being patient makes a big difference.

Important Aspects	Examples of Actions
Communication	Regular honest talks, schedule check-ins, use “I feel” language.
Accountability	Agree on ways to be transparent—sharing passwords or updating about activities.
Forgiveness	Recognize forgiveness as a process, not a single event.
Preventing Relapse	Make clear boundaries with others outside the marriage.